Wish They Knew

You are only proud of me because I made you proud. 

For the two years: Grade 11 and Grade 12

I wrote the same line hoping that day it will change. 

“I am proud of making my You proud” 

I wrote because I thought of it when I heard a question.

“What is something you are proud of?” Teacher asked.

I am not mad that you aren’t proud of me.

I am mad because you don't tell me that you are proud of me

Yet you bring me down every time we talk.

I am mad because you feel proud telling other people of my award. 

It is your ego.

You want to sound nice off my back.

I wish your friends knew, it wasn’t You, where I am now. 

Maybe that’s a lie. 

I took your negative words as motivation to prove your words wrong. 

But still, I wish they knew. 

Wish they knew. 

School didn’t want to see you. 

I was doing more than good. 

But sometimes school wanted to see you

They wanted to know who got me to this place. 

They thought having healthy thoughts comes from positive thoughts. 

I didn’t want to see you either in a place where I grew and washed my tears. 

But I did bring you to that place.

I only bought you because I wanted you to hear about me from others.

Hoping you will love me: just a little. 

You sat in front of them

Yet all they said didn’t go in your brain but you gave a smile.

Was it a smile or a smirk? 

All I did was worse for me. 

Now I boosted your ego. 

Because that place was proud of you, because you raised me well. 

I felt betrayed by everyone. 

All I wanted was warm words. 

All I wanted from you was to see me as normal and not a monster at home. 

I wish they knew. 

Wish they knew.

But my story isn’t worth telling. 

Maybe it is worth writing and never reading. 

Because you never read any text.